Friday, January 20, 2017

The Common Denominator

When I look back on all my poor relationships, whether platonic or intimate, there was a common theme. I figured I could change those people's behaviors towards me if I loved harder and stronger. I gave, and they took. Before I knew it, I was depleted, depressed, and doubted my existence. Because I didn't realize my self-worth (due to suppressed low self-esteem), it showed in the pattern of toxic relationships I allowed myself to be involved in. They served no positive purpose and I kept getting the short end of the stick every time. I was imploding from the inside out and my low self-esteem was the pathway to self-destructive behaviors. Worst yet, no one knew what I was personally going through because the mask with the bright smile I wore in public, hid the hurt, pain, shame, and guilt.
It wasn't until I got to my "sick and tired of being sick and tired" point, that I realized it wasn't my job to change those people who mistreated me. However, it was my responsibility to look within and change myself. Through self-reflection and looking deeper, I had to ask myself "How could I get the same negative results from different people?" As hard as it was to accept, I was the common denominator. I was the main factor in each experience. Although it doesn't make it right for anyone to mistreat another person, it was in my control to determine how long, if at all, was I willing to put up with their horrible conduct. This decision can only come from having love and joy by starting from within. I had to stand on God's word and believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139: 14 KJV).
It is my desire to share my story because I know I am not the only one who experienced these toxic relationships and was delusional enough to believe that I could be all the other person ever needed; that by completely giving of myself, they would love me the way I desired them to. This was an unrealistic expectation because at the time I didn't know how to love myself.
There is hope for each and every person who struggles to find love and acceptance in a pattern of abusive relationships. We must nurture the little girl or boy inside and give them the unconditional love they rarely received. It is important to understand that the devil wants us to stay broken and pass the burned out torch to our children. If the devil can keep us down, dysfunctional, and depressed, then that is one less person who is walking in their true purpose and living passionately like there is no tomorrow. I pray that you will take the steps to release the toxic shackles that hold you back and down from living the way God desires for you. Take the steps to heal from any hurt and pain. Take the steps to forgive yourself and eventually those who hurt you. Once this takes place, you will be the common denominator for positive relationships in your life filled with a light that no one can extinguish.
May God bless you always beloved.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Who's In Your Boat?

I believe there are three types of people that come into our lives.

*The Rower-A person who is actively trying to help you get up the creek or help shift the current in your favor. This person could be praying for your success, cheering you on and encouraging others to do the same, and/or watching your back while you focus on what lies ahead. Overall, The Rower is a person that makes a positive impact in your life. 

*The Sleeper-A person who is just a long for the ride. They are not actively doing anything to help you achieve your goals. Most times they are sleeping on their purpose and therefore can't help support yours. I consider The Sleeper dead weight serving no positive purpose. Be careful because their snoring (gossiping, unfulfilled promises, hoarding information, and lack of action) can cause you to lose focus.

*The Driller-A person who is unhappy with the direction their boat is going in so they hitch a ride in yours for the purpose of drilling holes in it. Then they quickly jump out and happily watch you sink. They have the toxic mindset of "If I can't succeed, neither will you!" These type of people have an evil spirit of jealousy, boasting, and backstabbing. Beware! The white teeth you see from their smile is hiding the serpent tongue in their mouth.

I pray that I have been The Rower in your life in some aspect. Life is hard enough as it is, so I also pray for wisdom and discernment to know who is The Rower, The Sleeper, or The Driller. Last but not least, take some time to look down in the water at your own reflection to answer the question "Who's In Your Boat?" Instead of rowing your own boat, you maybe sleeping or self-sabotaging your purpose in life. 

Have an Unstoppable You Day!