I wore my heart on my sleeve when I was younger out there looking for love. I still do, but now I am not getting the short end of the stick. At last I am in a loving and committed marriage with an amazing little boy and beautiful step children. But along life's journey, I learned many lessons through being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I was naive when it came to men, thinking if I treated them with warmth and compassion I would get the same in return. Most times I was trying to prove that I was not like the last woman who broke their heart. Silly me!! I gave 80% and received 20%. My time, money, body, and most importantly heart paid the price. I must have had a flashing neon sign on my forehead that read "NO GOOD MAN PLEASE APPROACH!"
Finally, I grew sick and tired of unanswered phone calls, unexplained phone numbers in the pocket, broken promises of dates, sexually unfulfilled, finances out of control, lonely and depressed. I knew something had to change. In order for that change to happen, I needed to be honest with myself and take a personal inventory. Although it was hard to swallow, I realized that I was the common denominator to my many disappointments. I didn't set my standards and the love I was looking for needed to start with me.
Reevaluating my priorities, I needed to love and value myself and until I could do that, how could I expect someone else to. I was trying to be superwoman to men who were not ready to be with a woman like myself and instead of trying to change them, I was the one that needed changing. I couldn't control the behaviors of those men but I sure could control mine. I strengthened my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, became abstinent and rebuilt my self esteem. I learned a lot about myself and knew that when the time presented itself, I would approach my next relationship differently.
Being sick and tired of being sick and tired led to insight and necessary change. When I got tired of the same results which played a continuous loop, cycle, or pattern that's when change happened. Change is not pretty, comfortable, easy or fast. But for my personal growth and development it was essential to achieving a quality of life I knew I deserved.
Jennifer C. Foxworthy